memories.

When I close my eyes I can hear the soft whispers of my mother's voice, the soothing lullaby that she used to sing me to sleep with whirling around in my head. The distant echo of a comforting embrace that some days I missed more than others. A sigh heaved in my chest and I wished that for one second my life could rewind fifteen years and I could once again be that sleepless child, lying in bed listening to my mother softly sing me to sleep. But those days are long gone and dwelilng on their memory only makes the present that much harder to take in when I open my eyes again; I know I have to open my eyes again.

The world I know has changed a lot in the last fifteen years. Though I am certain that change is the case with most lives, I feel as though mine has changed more drastically than most ever should. The memories of my mother's voice are all I have left of her. Memories and whatever my sister and I decided to keep when we were finally old enough to truly make decisions on my parents estate. Fifteen years ago I heard my last lullaby. Fifteen years ago, was the last night I kissed my father good night.

The memories of my childhood are not brightly shining stars of my past. They are filled with more sorrow that I would ever wish on anyone. I will never forget the pain that ripped through me when I a gentle shaking woke me up in the middle of the night and urged me out of bed. The absolute desperation in my aunt's voice as she tried, with shaky hands to ready Autumn and me in the small hours of the morning. Her voice was calm, but I remember the pressure behind it, the overwhelming echo of her urge to cry. She was trying her best to be strong for us; for the last few moments of quiet innocence that we would ever expereince, I am still greatful. "Come on girls, we need to get going." She repeated quietly, the one constant thing she could say to keep herself in check. We asked where we were going, two sleepy-eyed ten year olds, confused and worried that something was wrong. Little did we know that something was.

There have been many years in between that night Aunt Caylee drove us to the hospital and tonight, yet recall the events of that of the night my parents died as if they happened yesterday. The heartbreak and sheer sadness that tore my aunt in two that night will never be wiped clean from my mind. The loss that I felt when the news of their death floated to my ears from my aunts dry, quivering lips, will forever stay welled up in the pit of my stomach, a constant reminder of pain and emptiness. The tightening grasp of my twin's hand in mine sometimes still echoes against my skin. Aftershock memories.



(c)

Let's get this ball rolling.

So this blog is going to be something completely different than what it was intended for. I need to write more and I think that this is a great spot for it.

I have ideas pressing on my frontal lobe and they are causing me headaches and great pain. So why not story a short story or whatever blog. I think what I want to do is keep a log of my characters, and ideas. Sure, I have a pen and paper whereever I go, but I feel like word documents don't give me the desired effect. Why not try blogs?

I think I will stay true to some of my origins and write fanfictions, but I also think that I will start trying to develop my own characters, and my own stories. It's about time.

S perhaps in this blog of mine... I can expect: inpromptu poetry (crapy at it's best!), bouts of free writing, random lyrics that ring deep in my brain, short stories, and fanfictions.Maybe I might even draft my novel. Haha!

I want to work on my skills. I want to exercise my brain. Here I come. :)

Cheers,
Viv

P.S. I love vampires (not exactly shiny ones, though they have a soft surreal spot in my heart)... I suggest we expect vampires.

Things That I See

So here I have it, my first new post for my new blog. This is always exciting! I guess I treat this like a journal entry most of the time, but really it's a wonderful place to go to let my thoughts run wild. I have been living in Vancouver for about three weeks now and I have seen quite a few things that interest me. I definitely love the overall greenness of this city, and how it smells, of course the ocean view! It's quite the change from back home.

I realize that I am a little tardy in starting this blog, the flowers have all gone and been replaced by others, but I have to share this wonderful, wonderful sight with everyone. Cherry blossoms. I am never going to forget that short little drive up my street on the misty evening in early May when all that greeted me were the beautiful pink petals of the cherry blossoms that lined the street. It was absolutely breath-taking! I can't imagine a prettier sight than a street littered with little pink petals. I fell in love, instantly!

Now that the season is over, I do have to admit I miss the picturesque floral arrangements that greeted me when I left my apartment. But that never went too far. I can't get over the beauty of my landlord's garden either!

I never considered myself a green-thumb, but lately all I want is to have a little garden of my own. I'd ornament it with all the wonderful flowers that I can find under the sun - that grow in this climate!- and I'd definitely try to keep it as lush and green as I can. John and Ulie- my landlords, have a very beautiful back yard. I love the little picnic area with the canopy of green. I haven't done a close enough inspection as to what those plants really are, but it does remind me of home slightly. My aunt had a canopy like this over her patio that gave delicious concord grapes later in the season. I think that if a backyard can have this available space, it should be taken advantage of. So what, dinner has to travel down a few extra steps before it reaches the table, it still allows, in my opinion, a cute little "getaway" eating location. Who can ask for more?

On sunny, lazy days the landlords put up a hammock in that area, hanging from the beams at the top. It seems like a great place to spend an afternoon with a book, of course a pot of tea and a plate of cookies could be sitting happily on the table waiting for snack time as well. All within arms' reach!

No only do my landlords have a beautiful backyard, their front yard is quite remarkable as well. Again with the same lush, green look, and an abundance of flowers. This wonderful blossom, which I have yet been able to name is beautiful in the sunlight. It grows on trees at the front of the yard and I can't help but be taken away by how truly radient it is. I love it's intense color and the abundance of flowers that bloom on it's branches.

If there is one thing that I am finding myself truly in love with living out here in Vancouver, it's the green. It's something that I don't see very much of back home. Yes, Montreal has it's beauty with Mount Royal, but on any typical street that isn't in the middle of suburbia, there aren't beautiful extensive gardens. Everyone seems to have more of a space optimization where whatever garden they have is converted into something more practical. Vegetables. I love a vegetable garden, don't get me wrong, but the wildness of the yard that I have currently found myself around is something that I have to admit that I love. Also, it seems that Vancouver offers a better setting for the wonderful green to truly be illuminated. Montreal does have its sunny days, but it seems that the abundance of precipitation offers that much more of a change for a radiance of the flora in this wonderful city.

Another thing, and I guess it's just an attestation of how much bigger Montreal is than Vancouver, there aren't as many greenspaces as I like to call them in Montreal. I find that the few times that I have travelled downtown with my camera, I have seen a lot more trees and areas with benchs that offer more grass and flowers. Near Science World for instance there is a wonderful little park, as well as this wonderful little treestand. I think that the need for more space for people has outshone the need for green and beauty in Montreal. It's unnatural in my mind, but in some ways does have charm as a concrete world. I just think that in the three weeks that I have spend in Vancouver, my appreciation for everything that is natural - though manicured, obviously- has been augmented. I just find myself feeling slightly happier when I see a cluster of trees and flowers as opposed to a wall of buildings.

That's all for now.